(Disclaimer: the names of parties involved in the non-fictional version non-fictional version of this situation have been changed in this fictional version to protect both the pathetically petty and the innocent. All local government officials, living and dead, are purely coincidental)


Dear Mr. Del “Woodly” Edmons,

We understand that your name was inadvertantly left off of the invitation list to our recent dedication ceremony for the newly installed toilet seat in third stall of the men’s restroom (aministrative office building) on our campus. Our sincerest apologies.

On a happier note, we would like to invite you to a very special event on the campus of Beffle College. Actually, it’s so especially good that some among us religiously observe this high and holy event three times a week during the noon hour. Would you be willing to grace us with your enormously dignified presence some noontime for a vigorous game of pick-up basketball? Please bring both a dark and a light shirt.

Professor Smit does have one important message for you, however. He says, “lace em up tight and don’t bring no weak stuff."

Sincerely,

The Lunchtime Hoops Association of Beffle College