Semi-truck takes man and wheel chair for ride
PAW PAW, Mich. – A 21-year-old man was taken on a wild ride Wednesday afternoon when the wheelchair he was in became attached to the grille of a semi-truck and was taken four miles down a highway at about 50 mph.
My name is Ken. Is there a bathroom anywhere nearby?
I assume you mean how I ended up taking a wild ride in front of this semi down the Red Arrow Highway and not how I got myself into my more general predicament--the wheel chair--in the first place. If you want that story, it's a good one and someone ought to write a book. I'm sure it would bring you all to tears and make you want to support Jerry's kids or something. I suppose what you want me to say is that I was simply crossing the street here from my nature walk along with my caretaker, Joyce--say hello Joyce--when I found myself lodged in the grille of this semi-truck. It's like something from a bad b-movie, isn't it? But there's much more to the story than I'm sure you actually want to hear or report.
Well, let's just say sometimes accidents happen and sometimes what appear to be accidents aren't really accidents at all. Have you seen "Jackass, the Movie"?
Make of it what you will. It was kind of like a ride at the fair. You can quote me on that.
Who said anything about a prank? Aren't there more important things you should be reporting in the newspaper? I suppose this will now make the national news, which reflects poorly on us all doesn't it? We've got genocide in Sudan, we've got a never ending war in Iraq, we've got the Cubs winning four of their last five and the NBA finals and you want to report on a highway wheelchair ride in Paw Paw? Why not stick to important things like Paris Hilton's jail sentence? I mean, I can see it now... "National Attention to Man's Weel Chair Adventure Draws Oprah and Letterman."
I hadn't realized that media persons were this perceptive. I have a few things I would like to say to the world, now that I have your attention. My fellow Americans, I want you to remember three things when you think of Ken, the guy who got his wheel chair stuck in the grille of a semi-truck and ended up taking a four mile carnival type ride down the Red Arrow Highway in Paw Paw. First, I want you to remember that semi-truck drivers are people too. Sure they drive giant death machines and pump countless tons of pollutants into our air, but they have important things they deliver us across country like highly flammible fuels and cancer causing pesticides. They just wanna serve you. Second, I want you to remember the importance of getting the potholes filled on all of your roads. I was just one big pothole from doing a pretty serious face plant out there today. Call your local and state officials and remind them of the importance of smooth roads. Third, and finally, I want you to remember that the handicapped are capable of biting irony. The news media is not. Too often you have looked to the handicapped for sincere and inspiring stories of overcoming the odds. And by and large we have played along. Today, you have witnessed another inspiring story of a handicapped boy overcoming incredible odds. Send cash contributions to the Ken Henderson foundation, care of Ken Henderson to see that these inspiring stories can continue to be told. Thank you.